How to Recognize Manipulative Behavior in a Narcissistic Relationship
If you are in a relationship - be it dating, marriage, family, or platonic - with a narcissist, you may find yourself in a manipulative situation that is difficult to escape.
A narcissist - someone who exhibits a grandiose sense of self-importance, needs excessive admiration, and has an exaggerated sense of entitlement - often uses various techniques to manipulate the people around them.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with a narcissist can be both challenging and draining. This is especially true if you are more of an empath - someone highly sensitive and finds it easy to take on other people's emotions and problems - as narcissists often gravitate towards those who will respond positively to their demands.
As part of my practice in New Orleans, I work with individuals daily who find themselves in relationships with narcissists.
And while some relationships will eventually be best left behind, I'm here to help you recognize the signs of manipulation in your relationship so that you can take steps to protect yourself and better manage the situation.
Am I With A Narcissist?
If you are unsure whether or not your partner is manipulating you through their narcissistic behavior, a quick assessment can go a long way. Here's a checklist of behaviors and qualities that may signal you are in a relationship with a narcissist:
Your partner tries to control your decisions, thoughts, behavior, or emotions
You feel as if they often withhold love and attention when you don’t meet their expectations
Your partner manipulates you to get their way
They lack empathy for your feelings and put their needs above yours
Your partner belittles or shames you in public
You feel like you are always being judged or criticized
Your partner refuses to take responsibility for their words, actions, or mistakes
Did you answer yes to any of the questions above? If so, you may be involved with an individual who not only demonstrates narcissistic traits but may be using their behavior to control you.
Why Are They This Way?
It can be hard to come to terms with the fact that your partner may be using their behavior to control you, especially when they are someone you care about.
It's important to remember that narcissists don't always mean to harm anyone; oftentimes, it is a way for them to cope with underlying feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
Many narcissists have grown up in emotionally abusive households or with parents who base their love and acceptance on a child's performance. As a result, they may be using manipulative behavior to try to control the situation and gain a sense of security. In other cases, a person may have become narcissistic due to trauma or low self-esteem.
Regardless of the root cause, addressing any behavior that causes emotional or physical harm is essential.
For relationships to be healthy and successful, both partners need to feel safe and respected. If you believe your partner's behavior damages your relationship, it may be time to take action.
Tips for Dealing With a Narcissistic Partner
While some individuals and relationships will need professional help to deal with the effects of narcissistic behavior, there are certain tips that you can use to help manage any manipulative or controlling behaviors.
Know The Signs Of Narcissistic Behavior
The first step in dealing with a narcissist is to understand their behavior. We've covered some of the key signs of narcissistic behavior above, but it's essential to be aware of any subtle changes in your partner’s behavior. This is especially true if triggers appear to make them act out in a certain way.
Some common manipulation tactics include:
Gaslighting: Making you question your reality or the accuracy of your memories
Triangulation: Recruiting a third party to validate their perspective and undermine yours
Love-bombing: Showering you with praise and affection to gain your trust, then disappearing or withdrawing emotionally
Negging: Offering backhanded compliments or small put-downs to make you feel unsure about yourself
Silent treatment: Refusing to communicate as a form of control or punishment
Know How To Stand Up for Yourself
Another key step in dealing with a narcissistic partner is to learn how to stand up for yourself. It can be challenging to confront someone about their behavior, especially if it’s someone you care about and are close to.
However, holding your ground will help create boundaries and ensure your needs are met.
As an empath, you may try to convince the narcissist to see things from your perspective. This is rarely effective and can be emotionally draining.
Instead, focus on making clear statements about how you feel and what behavior you’re not willing to tolerate. This will help set boundaries in the relationship and establish a sense of trust and respect between both parties.
Reclaim Your Power and Peace
Empower yourself by refusing to let a narcissist dictate your emotions and self-worth. Over time, this can help you reclaim your power and peace. Remember, it’s never too late to start taking back control over your life and learn to love yourself fully.
Focus on your self-care and personal growth, and consider ending the relationship if your partner refuses to respect your boundaries. Remember:
Your feelings are valid, and you deserve a healthy, supportive relationship
Walking away from toxic behavior doesn't mean you have failed; it means you are choosing a healthier path
Embrace opportunities to meet new people and engage in activities reinforce your confidence and self-esteem.
Know When To Seek Professional Help
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, seeking professional help is vital. A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance as you learn to set boundaries and create a healthier relationship dynamic.
In addition, therapy can be beneficial for addressing any underlying issues related to self-esteem and anxiety that may have been exacerbated by the experience of being in an unhealthy relationship. Seeking professional help is one of the most critical steps to reclaim your power and peace in a relationship with a narcissist.
If you ever feel your safety or well-being is at risk, seek help immediately. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for guidance and support.
No matter what, know that you are not alone. Remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships — no matter what a narcissist says or does. With time and effort, you can learn to take back control of your life and love yourself fully.
Take Your Next Step In Healing With Dr. Eileen Wynne
Recognizing manipulative behavior in a narcissistic relationship is crucial in maintaining your well-being. Remember to prioritize self-care, set firm boundaries, learn to spot manipulation, stand up for yourself, and reclaim your power and peace.
You deserve an emotionally nurturing, understanding, and respectful relationship, and it starts with ensuring that you put your well-being first.
If you'd like to discuss this further, book an appointment with me - Dr. Eileen Wynne - for one-on-one guidance and support in healing from a narcissistic relationship. As a New Orleans-based psychotherapist, I specialize in helping those affected by emotional abuse and trauma. Together we can work to find strategies that will help you reclaim your power and lead a more fulfilling life.
Take the first step on your journey of healing today. Contact me for an appointment and begin the process of reclaiming your peace and power.